This picture.. motivates me.
This world is hopeless, but I love it anyway.
Jesus Christ. Put this sumbitch in the Olympics and give him his medal.
I don’t know what it is… but something tells me this author probably had a hard time growing up.
The best kinds of dreams are the dark chocolate ones…
So, I work in a customer service job, and let me tell you something. If you have ever thought about a career change and want to make your life as shitty and miserable as humanly possible; get a retail job and work in a customer service role.
Being a college student, I’ve worked many bullshit jobs to make money to pay for my drinking and gambling habits, so I’ve experienced many different types of “customers.”
Customers are the most important part of a business. Without them, you have no reason to work… and in my case, drink and bleed out the ears.
They come in three flavors: positive, neutral, and negative.
The positive ones are quite identifiable. Usually upon entering the building they greet you with a smile and proceed to call you by the name on your badge, which, if you are just lucky enough, happens to be your name! These folks are typically kind and very reasonable with their demands and generally refrain from swearing at you. Often times they are seen with their spouse, and are typically elderly. They offer awkward, sweaty, stinky handshakes and usually ask you where you are from, where you grew up, what your phone number is, if you like men… etc. Friendly or awkward conversations usually result in a sale of some sort.
The neutral ones are easy to spot as well. These customers typically just stare at you when you greet them. They give you the “I know you said hello to me… but I don’t give a whales vagina about you or your minimum wage kindness.” WARNING: after you have greeted the neutral customer, and they have given you the “fuck yourself” stare, be careful how you talk to them from then on. See, these customers typically don’t want to buy anything, they just want to look. And when they say they are “just looking”, it means “Take your sales pitch, and fuck yourself with it. Ok? Thanks, bye.” The neutral ones are also very good at asking condescending questions to put you on edge, such as: “So if you don’t have any in stock today, how am I supposed to do my laundry?” Just remember that telling the customer to “go to the fucking laundry mat like a normal person would in this circumstance” is clearly the wrong move. Your actions and responses determine whether or not they become a positive or negative customer.
The negative ones are the EASIEST to spot. These customers come into the store with a purpose: to rip your head off, shit in your mouth, and ruin any chance you had of being happy for the next hour of conversation with them. “WHAT IN SWEET AND SOUR CHICKEN TITTIES DO YOU MEAN THAT THE DELIVERY TRUCK WON’T BE HERE UNTIL TOMORROW?!?!?!” These customers 99% of the time cannot be reasoned with because they have already made up their mind before coming into the store that they are only going in to bitch and moan. Conversations tend to be loud, and in most cases, very offensive towards you and/or your mother. Unless you are offering the customer a share in the company’s earnings, there is usually no way to make things right with them. They usually like to ask questions that are so far from reality and ridiculous that it actually takes every ounce of willpower not to look them in the eyes and ask them if they are serious. For example: Customer: “So since YOU fucked up and I gotta wait a week to get my chainsaw now, I take it they are gonna send YOU out to my house to cut down the forest while I wait then?” Me: *while trying not to laugh/strangle/punch said customer* “Nope.” Average length of time with these types of customers generally lasts anywhere from one hour to an entire shift.
All this being said… I can’t wait to get my degree.